Grammar Check

Fox · Nov 20, 2015

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spitefire101 · Nov 21, 2015

Fox said: ↑

I was wondering if you guys could grammar check my paper and help me add a little bit more to it.

Music has always been an important part of human culture throughout history, it helps us to cope with bad times and make the happier times better. But (Never start a sentence with "but") why is music such an important part of our culture?(not just our culture but all kinds of music in all cultures is important, might help come up with some filler for your paper if you use that train of thought instead.) According to some new research(Work cited of course.) music might stimulate very important parts of our brain which are responsible for emotions and decision making. (You should say that according to new research (because it sounds like there is other new research that contradicts you already before your paper has really begun.) music might stimulate (what important parts of the brain) which are responsible for emotions,(emotion and decision making are two different parts of the brain so there should be a coma before the "and") and decision making.(I'm assuming you are talking about the frontal lobe in that aspect. You should consider the correlation to help build body.))

Thanks to some new(same problem as above, I would say "thanks to new data in neurological mapping, or cognitive function research" or something along those lines instead of using almost the same sentence so close together.) research in the area of music(Is the research in music, or brain function?) we might be closer to understanding why music affects us so much and why it is so important to humans. Some researchers have decided to find out which parts of the brain music affects. To do that they have placed people in an MRI and made them listen to new music. The enjoyment and the willingness of the test subjects to pay more for the song increased with the stimulation to their emotional and intellectual sectors of the brain.(again what part of brain is that? I didn't read the full thing when I added some of the notes, going line by line, so ignore a comment if it seems to be fixed later in the paper.) From this the researchers have concluded(Work cited. Has it been concluded? Scientific method has proved to at least a 95% that what you are saying is true?) that music not only helps us to feel different emotions but also to stimulate our intellectual and decision making parts of the brain, providing both emotional and intellectual rewards for listening music.

In conclusion(just used that word one sentence again. Makes the reader feel like you have a small vocabulary. Google synonyms) music is an important part of our culture because according to some research it stimulates both emotional and intellectual parts of our brain, helping us connect the two together. (Not one thing was said as to why music is important or even a part of the culture.)This is why we always crave to listen to different music every time we have the chance.(I'm not studying this subject but I remember reading a scholarly article about how humans prefer to listen to familiar music that they already know over new music.)

Why Your Brain Craves Music | TIME.com
Click to expand...

Take my suggestions with a grain of salt. I am only a nursing student. I have the basic HUM and ENG classes under my degree belt, but a PH.D in LIT is not something I have. I was just board and figured I'd see if I could help you out a little. I'm assuming you are doing a 1-3-1 essay, and MBA standards?

Fox · Nov 22, 2015

spitefire101 said: ↑

Take my suggestions with a grain of salt. I am only a nursing student. I have the basic HUM and ENG classes under my degree belt, but a PH.D in LIT is not something I have. I was just board and figured I'd see if I could help you out a little. I'm assuming you are doing a 1-3-1 essay, and MBA standards?
Click to expand...

Sorry for the really really really late reply. But it's a just a one page response to the article.

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